Reach

Being angry at God and processing grief is not an easy place to be. As I walked through the pain of processing my anger and grief, I realized the only thing that could be my saving grace was intimacy with Jesus. No one else could do that for me. No one else could give me the right advice or the better theological argument that would make me feel better. Only connection with the Father could do that. 

But what do you do when connection with the Father feels impossible? When it feels broken and unsafe? 

I used to compare my grieving self to my non-grieving self. I used to think that true connection to Jesus meant that I needed to be able to do the same things I was doing before - worshiping with no hindrance, trusting freely, diving into Scripture, pouring out, discipling people, leading Bible studies, and all the things. But I had found myself in a place where I couldn't do any of those things. Prayers were pathetic, Bible reading was minimal, and leading a Bible study was laughable. 

What I didn’t know at the time was my small, seemingly pathetic reach was destroying strongholds, breaking agreements, and moving the heart of God. My feeble attempts to carve out time to try to read the Bible or pray were maybe not so feeble after all. Even when those moments amounted to “nothing”. Even when I shut my Bible and felt just as empty as when I had opened it. Each moment I chose to turn my attention to God and cry out, as soft as that cry might have been, was shouting in the ear of God and in the face of Satan. 

Your reach matters. 

Your small, weak attempts move the heart of the Father and strike down the enemy. 

Don’t stop reaching. 

Even when it feels pointless. 

Even when it hurts.

Even when it comes from a place of cynicism. 

Even when you're yelling - that's a reach!

Whether you know it or not, each movement of your heart towards him is changing, crumbling, and creating things in the spiritual that you cannot see. 

It’s your small all. 

It’s the widow's mite. 

It’s the 5 loaves and 3 fish. 

Soon, you will see the rewards of your reaching. 

God is not far off and he will not let you reach for long without an answer. 

When we call to him, he will answer.

He will be with us in trouble and will show us his salvation.